


Turn Away, I Won't Let You Kiss Me

by orphan_account



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Eventual Character Death, Izaya has cancer, Liver Cancer, Lung Cancer, More tags will be added later, Probably ooc, Shizaya - Freeform, Sick izaya, cancerfic, hurt izaya, slow building romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-15 02:29:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8038693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He was a god, he was above his precious humanity- But he can still fall, spirling down into sickness until a machine is doing his breathing for him and his body shuts down from disease.Even a god can crumble. Eventual character death, eventual Shizaya. Multi chapter.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This was inspired by twenty one pilots' cover of Cancer, by MCR.

Ikebukuro was quiet-

 

Too quiet.

 

Hewajima Shizuo stood underneath the awning out in front of Russia Sushi, smoke curling lazily into the air above him. His shoulders were set back and tense, and every so often he'd stiffen and scan the surrounding area, before forcing himself to lean back against the wall and relax.

 

Simon stood out in the pouring rain and handed flyers advertising the restaurant behind him to the pedestrians that hurried through the streets and gave the black Russian a wide berth as he called out phrases like 'Sushi make world go round! Buy Sushi!'.

 

"Shizuo, smoking bad. Cut your life short. Very short." Simon said gravely, shaking his head, and Shizuo scoffed. 

 

Lifting the cigarette to his lips again he inhaled slowly, closing his eyes as the nicotine buzz hit his brain, calming him down. "Better than me getting antsy and tearing the place apart." He replied.

 

"Shizuo is still tense however! Is because Izaya not around, yes?"

 

He stiffened, gritting his teeth, and shook his head. "Best the damn flea keeps out of 'Bukuro." Shizuo muttered, and Simon shook his head gravely. 

 

"Izaya would be missed then, yes. Shizuo would be lonely!"

 

"Shut up." Shizuo grumbled, tossing his finished cigarette to the ground and snuffing it out with the heel of his shoe.

 

Hunching his shoulders against the wind and rain he walked down the street amidst the other residents of Ikebukuro, car headlights twinkling red and yellow in the rapidly darkening evening. Street lamps started to flicker to life, and Shizuo shivered slightly as the wind bit through his shirt and vest, numbing his fingers as he shoved them into his pockets. 

 

A strong chill crawled up his spine, and he spun around as a familiar feeling started to whisper at the back of his neck, his hands clenching into fists. "Izaya!" He growled, setting off at a run in the direction he had just came from, all thoughts of going home and warming up abandoned at the promise of his rival arriving. 

 

The few people who were still wandering the streets scattered before him as he raced through the streets in search of the raven haired informant, his vision focused only on what was in front of him. He careened around a corner, and a manic grin stretched across his lips as he spotted Izaya, the beige fur lining his coat recognizable anywhere. 

 

"Izaya!" He yelled again, ripping a traffic sign out of the concrete next to him and wielding it as a weapon to attack the brunet with. Izaya barely had time to react before the signpost was connecting with his side, sending him into the front of a building with a cry of pain. 

 

"Shizuo, stop!" He gasped, holding up a hand as if to ward off the blond. 

 

Shizuo really wasn't planning to stop, but the shock of the informant actually using his name was enough to stay his hand and he stopped, glaring suspiciously down at his rival. Izaya had moved a few feet away, and was now hunched over miserably on the ground, his breathing short and gasping as he vomited onto the pavement.

 

"... Flea?" Shizuo questioned suspiciously, and Izaya sat back and wiped his mouth off on his sleeve, his face pale and drawn thin. "What do you want, Shizuo?" 

 

His voice was weary and tired, lacking its usual teasing tone and taunting manner as the brunet struggled to his feet, leaning heavily against the wall behind him for support. Shizuo's eyes narrowed, and brusquely he slammed Izaya against the wall, the informant choking for air as Shizuo gripped his throat. 

 

"What game are you playing?" He growled, shaking Izaya as he struggled for air, his hands grasping weakly at Shizuo's grip on his neck. 

 

"S-stop!" Izaya gasped, kicking weakly at the blond debt collector's legs to no avail. 

 

Shizuo realized with a start that Izaya had gone limp in his grasp and quickly dropped him, confusion written across his face as the brunet gasped for air on the ground, curled up in the fetal position and one hand massaging his throat. "What the hell are you doing, flea?" He growled, and Izaya glared pathetically up at him from his spot on the ground.

 

"Trying to breathe after Shizu-chan just crushed my windpipe, dumbass." He rasped, and Shizuo glared at the nickname.

 

"That's not what I mean. Why are you acting so- so- pathetic?!"

 

Izaya laughed hollowly, and sat against the wall behind him, wincing. 

 

"I wasn't acting. However, I don't think your tiny protozoan brain could understand." He sneered, and Shizuo growled and took a step forward.

 

He could see genuine fear in the informant's eyes as he advanced, and exhaling slowly Shizuo stepped away, taking a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it, breathing in the smoke and closing his eyes for a moment. "Just tell me what's going on." He said gruffly, watching to make sure Izaya didn't run off all of a sudden. 

 

"Why? So Shizu-chan can just point and laugh?" Izaya scoffed, carefully drawing his knees into his chest and folding his arms atop them. 

 

"I'm not going to laugh, flea. I'm-" 

 

(Worried.)

 

"Aww, Shizu-chan's worried." Izaya cooed mockingly, and Shizuo glared at him again. 

 

"Are you asking for a death wish?" 

 

They fell into silence, Shizuo occasionally flicking the ash off the end of his cigarette and Izaya's jacket rustling slightly in the chilly wind. The silence was broken by a sneeze erupting out of the informant, and Shizuo blinked as it occurred to him that they were both out in the freezing rain, and neither were really dressed for the weather. 

 

"Flea, how close by is your house?" He questioned, and Izaya glared up at him suspiciously. "I really don't think that's any of Shizu-chan's business." He retorted, and the blond scowled at him. 

 

"My house is on the other side of town- I'm assuming that, for some reason or another, you're currently unable to walk at this moment." 

 

"You crushed my ankle." Izaya grumbled, and Shizuo continued, ignoring him. 

 

"We're not dressed for this weather, and either you can freeze out here, or I can carry you to whoever's house is closer."

 

"I'd rather take a taxi than have you carry me, thanks." Izaya muttered, and Shizuo narrowed his eyes. 

 

"Are you stupid? There's no taxi's out in this area right now, flea. How would you get one here, if you could even get up?"

 

"My phone. This is why I'm the smarter out of the two of us, Shizu-chan." The brunet retorted triumphantly, pulling his phone out of his pocket in time for the device to chime a low power warning, before shutting down.

 

"Damn it." Izaya growled, glaring at the phone in his hand. Shizuo watched him for a minute, conflicting emotions warring across the informant's expression before he raised his eyes to meet Shizuo's, scowling. 

 

"My home apartment is a couple minutes away on foot." He muttered, folding his arms across his chest like a grumpy child. Putting out his cigarette, Shizuo knelt in front of him and picked him up by the waist, tossing him carelessly over his shoulder. He was much lighter than Shizuo had expected, and so the debt collector accidentally(or not) tossed him a little too hard- Izaya let out a loud gasp of pain as his torso collided with Shizuo's shoulder, and he rolled off and onto the ground as he threw up again, both arms curled around his stomach protectively. 

 

"What the hell?" Shizuo demanded, taking a step back slightly, and Izaya coughed hoarsely. "I'd rather not be treated like a sack of potatoes, because currently I'm in an intense amount of pain." He growled, and Shizuo frowned.

 

"You could've told me that before hand." 

 

Izaya remained silent, and after he had finished Shizuo picked him up more carefully this time, hooking one arm under his knees and the other under Izaya's shoulders, holding him in a bridal style carry. 

 

The informant looked like he desperately wanted to comment on the situation but wisely remained silent, much to Shizuo's relief. 

 

They made it back to Izaya's apartment without incident, and once Izaya got the door open Shizuo dumped him onto the couch in the living room, turning and heading for the door. He had no interest in tormenting the flea while he was sick, or injured, or whatever was wrong- he'd kill him later, when he was back to full health.

 

"Wait-" 

 

Shizuo paused, not turning around. It was silent for a moment, before Izaya continued.

 

"Cancer." He said flatly, "If you still cared to know."

 

Without acknowledging if he heard or not Shizuo stepped outside, and shut the door behind himself. Bracing himself against the cold, he shoved his hands into his pocket and headed home, ready to take a warm shower and crawl into bed, and to forget about anything that happened today.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick notice, I've never had nor have had family who has cancer, and all my information is off many medical sites and survivor stories. So my information is more likely than not going to end up being incorrect. Sorry!

Turn Away, I Won't Kiss You Chp. 2

"You seem preoccupied."

Shizuo grunted noncommittally, eyes fixed ahead as he and Tom walked down the street. His nerves were still humming with anger from the last debter they had visited, but the nicotine from his cigarette was helping him calm down as they headed towards their next target. 

Exhaling, Shizuo watched as the smoke curled above into the sky and let his mind wander as he watched he small cloud disappear, dispersing into the atmosphere. "It's the flea."

Tom tensed slightly, looking nervous. "Did he do something?" He questioned tentatively, and Shizuo shook his head, taking another drag from his cigarette. 

"No. Something he said."

"Well, it doesn't look like it's bothering you enough to interfere with work- what'd he say?"

Shizuo stopped at a crosswalk and watched as cars passed by, silent for a moment before answering "Said he had cancer."

Tom's eyebrows flew up, and he shook his head slightly. "Y'know, after hearing about everything the guy's survived and done- it's kinda hard to believe he'd come down with something like that."

The blond grunted again in agreement, and Tom had to jog slightly to catch up with him as he continued walking. "How do you feel about it?"

"If he dies, good riddance." Shizuo said bluntly. "One less thing to worry about. If he survives, good for him. It's not my problem either way."

\-----

Izaya's eyes opened slowly, and he basked in a pain free awakening before nausea rolled over him, and he groaned, slowly easing himself up out of the bed.

Stumbling into his bathroom, he splashed water over his face and stared exhaustedly into the mirror, sickly yellow skin and large, black bags under his eyes staring back at him. After showering, and using the toilet, he dressed and headed into the kitchen, opening the fridge more out of habit than of an actual need or hunger. Sighing, he closed it and opened his cupboards to reveal a wealth of pills on the shelves, taking down some of the bottles and cracking the lids open. Swallowing them dry, Izaya hesitated before taking a banana from the basket of fruit on his table and forcing himself to eat it, tossing the peel away and ignoring his nausea.

Somewhere from his bedroom his phone buzzed, and Izaya went back to get it and flipped it open without bothering to check the caller ID, pressing it to his ear. "Hello?"

"Izaya! How are you feeling?"

"Like shit." He replied tiredly, sitting down at his table. "What do you want, Shinra?" 

The underground doctor on the other side of the line sighed. "I need actual descriptions, not just a general feeling."

Izaya groaned, leaning forwards and letting his head rest on his table. "I'm tired, my stomach and chest hurt- I've lost weight, feel like shit, nauseous, and I feel like I've run a hundred miles when all I did was get up and walk to the kitchen. Did I mention that I feel like shit?"

Shinra was quiet on the other end, and Izaya was considering hanging up when he said suddenly "Izaya. When was the last time you went in for a proper checkup at the hospital? I don't count."

"Hell if I know. Uh- when they first diagnosed me with this soul sucking disease and sent me home with a truckload of pills and the promise of setting up a schedule for chemo shots." He replied, letting out a sigh an closing his eyes.

"Izaya, go call your doctor. Tell them you need another ultrasound, or blood testing to check for cancer. Alright? You should do that today, right after we're done talking about this." Shinra urged, and Izaya frowned. "I already know I have cancer, Shinra- why would I go in again?"

"Liver cancer, Izaya- You shouldn't be having chest pains, or breathing problems. It's- it's probably nothing, but you should call in anyways."

"Fine, I'll go in. Bye." Izaya hung up, tossing the phone away slightly and sucking in a shallow breath. His head and chest were really killing him- 

He took another painkiller, and picking the phone up he dialed the number of the doctor who'd been assigned to him. 

"Abe-san? Yes, a friend of mine had some concerns and requested I call you about them. No, no- yes, I've been having chest pains, and shallowness of breath while resting. He said it might be nothing, but still requested that I call in case it was something.

"... Yes. Alright, I can come in now. Yes, thank you Abe-san. Goodbye."

Cutting the call off, Izaya put his phone into his pocket and pulled his jacket on, kicking off his house slippers and sliding his feet into his shoes. 

Namie still hadn't come in yet- he left a note threatening Seji if she tampered with anything he was working on on the door, and locking it behind himself he walked down to the street, hailing a taxi instead of walking like he normally would've. "Ikebukuro general." He told the driver, before sitting back and leaning against the window, closing his eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

"Shizuo! I need a favour from you."

The blond glared at his phone, before putting it to his ear again and answering "If this is anything about getting tissue samples, or blood-"

"What? No, not this time. It's something of a more delicate nature." Shinra laughed nervously, and Shizuo's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What?"

"It's about Izaya." The doctor's voice grew serious, and Shizuo's free hand clenched at his side. "I don't care about the flea, and don't want to be tangled up in whatever he's gotten himself into this time." He growled, and Shinra sighed on the other line. "Shizuo, please. This isn't me asking, it's Celty. She felt that if I called you, you'd be less likely to ignore what she's asking. Are you going to ignore her?"

Shizuo felt like there was a hint of a threat in that question, and he exhaled slowly through his nose. "Fine. What does she want?"

He could hear Shinra talking, and a keyboard clicking for a moment- "I'm reading what she's typing, now- [Shizuo, you probably haven't heard, but Izaya was diagnosed with stage four terminal cancer. He's been sick for a while- long before we knew, even. It started in his liver, but he went in a while back and found out that it had spread to his lungs, and by the time they discovered the tumor it was already too large to be safely removed using surgery, if they could even do it.]"

"Yeah? So what does this have to do with me?" Shizuo demanded as he held the phone to his ear using his shoulder, freeing up his hands so he could light a cigarette.

"[He told me the other day that he's been denied access to return home alone- He either has to stay at the hospital, go into hospice, or find a caretaker to work with him at his apartment.]"

The blond had a sinking suspicion that he knew where this was going. "You want me to take care of the flea."

"She's nodding yes."

The plastic of the cigarette lighter cracked in his hand, and lighter fluid spilled down his hand and onto the pavement below. 

"Damn it." He growled to himself, walking over to a garbage bin and brushing the pieces of plastic into the garbage, wiping his hand off onto a tissue and tossing that into the garbage as well. "Why me? Doesn't he have kid sisters? Parents?"

"... [Yes, he does have parents, but he hasn't been in good standing with them since highschool. Marui and Kurui are too young to be his caretakers, as well. They're both still highschool students.]"

Sighing, Shizuo pinched the arch of his nose, and glared out across the street. "I'll try it." He said at last, "For a few days. If it doesn't work out, I'm not going back."

Shinra made a noise that wouldn't have sounded out of place coming from a three year old, and Shizuo contemplated smashing his phone so he wouldn't have to del with that again.

"Celty and I both thank you! Celty will let Izaya know she found someone, okay? Talk to you later!" 

"Wait, does Izaya even know it's me-" The phone clicked to signal that Shinra had hung up, and Shizuo stared at his phone in annoyance. "Idiot." He mumbled, putting his phone away and walking back to the cafe Varona and Tom were waiting for him at. "Tom, I need to take some time off!"

÷÷÷÷÷

It irritated him that Celty hadn't told him who would be his caretaker. He itched to dig up all the information on them that he could- only, he didn't know who it was.

As long as it wasn't Namie, he would be fine. Lax as he was to admit it he trusted Celty's judgement, albeit less than his own.

"They're late." He observed, frowning mildly at the clock on his laptop. He would have to make sure that whoever she was bringing would understand that he didn't tolerate lateness. 

Stretching, he put his laptop to the side and swung his legs over the edge of his hospital bed, untangling the tube that helpfully supplied his oxygen from around his body. The familiar whine of Celty's motorbike hit his ears, but he couldn't see who the transporter brought, and he cursed the well placed tree blocking his view of the parking lot. 

The nausea doubled, and he decided to lie back down, closing his eyes and wondering who Celty had decided was fit for the job.

He had actually fallen asleep when someone knocked at his door, and he blinked twice, sitting up as the door opened.

"Orihara-san? You have a visitor." A male nurse informed him, and Izaya watched the door with interest as it opened wider, revealing a tall, blond guy with blue sunglasses and *oh wait-*

"Shizu-chan?" He said in disbelief, as the blond stepped through the door, the nurse leaving and closing the door behind himself. "You? Really?"

"Celty asked me to- this is for her, not you." Shizuo grumbled, one hand tapping against his hip in a habit Izaya had grown to recognize as a need for a cigarette. 

'Well, at least it's someone I know already.' Izaya reasoned with himself, trying to figure out the pros and cons of the situation. Pros, he'd be able to leave the hospital finally, it wasn't Namie who'd be taking care of him, and he knew the person well enough that they weren't a complete mystery to him. Cons- it was Shizuo. Who knew how long until the protozoan accidentally- or not, killed him? 

Shizuo was looking at him- actually looking, instead of glaring at the floor or ceiling and though he recovered his glare quickly Izaya could tell he was startled. "Not what you were expecting?" The informant scoffed, folding his arms across his chest. "Get used to it."

He knew it was a shock, because the last time Shizuo had seen him was when he looked like himself. Now, he had lost a dangerous amount of weight, making him look like a walking skeleton. 

With a few rounds of chemotherapy he had started losing his hair, and instead of going for the oh so attractive patchy look he eventually decided to have it shaved, watching almost forlornly as one of the nurses helped him. It was growing back, but slowly- it was similar to a buzz cut now, and he scowled as he ran his hand over the back of his neck.

"So. Shizu-chan." He spoke up, snapping the blond out of whatever thoughts could be swirling around in that tiny brain. "Before we start any of this, there needs to be some ground rules."

"Okay." Shizuo regarded him suspiciously, and Izaya sat back on the pillows behind him. "One: Punctuality. I don't like being kept waiting, and I want you on time. Two, you are not to touch any of my phones or laptops unless I explicitly say so. Three, no smoking in my apartment. He lungs are already shit, I don't need that worsened." 

Absent mindedly he fiddled with the nub that was perched under his nose, before stuffing his hands into his lap. 

"Any thing else?" Shizuo questioned gruffly, and Izaya shook his head, suddenly fatigued. "Not today. I'll text you tomorrow, and let you know when to come back so we can get the legal things out of the way and me back home." He replied, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palms. "You can go now."

The blond looked a little miffed at being dismissed so, but Izaya laid down and rolled over so he was facing away from him, and after a moment Shizuo left, leaving the informant alone in the hospital room.

Distantly he hoped that this would work- he really didn't want to go through the trouble of finding a new one, or having Celty find a new one.


End file.
